


Sentient

by Kojotek



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Related, Engagement, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, One Shot, Recreational Drug Use, Sappy Ending, Self-Doubt, Wraith's past headcanon, can you just like... talk, like on both ends, octane is a bad influence but we love him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 21:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18881806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kojotek/pseuds/Kojotek
Summary: The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math?-Mirage





	Sentient

> The marriage has come to my head  
>  The wedding trumpets are dead  
>  Replaced by a static noise  
>  So loud that I can't hear my own voice  
>  Will those signs lead me out of here  
>  Well, just take me somewhere  
>  To the plains where angels sing  
>  Through the chime and the clattering  
>  For what it's worth the truth might hurt you  
>  There is a little you can do  
>  When shadows fall I will desert you  
>  Then that's what you will do  
>  For what it's worth the truth might hurt you  
>  And with a tear of morning dew...  
>  My temples born anew  
>  Lead me inside  
>  Lead me inside  
>  Lead me inside out of the cold  
>  Let me inside  
>  Feel me inside  
>  When the seed is sown  
>  Our love's dead by dawn  
>  And as the day begins  
>  The sun is soothing my skin  
>  And I am divided  
>  I am divided  
>  For love  
>  I have to say  
>  That all of this time  
>  I waited for someone like you  
>  Your are my dream  
> 

  
_Tiamat - Divided_  
  


The pulse of the city was pouring through the curtains. The night was warm and humid and so he couldn't sleep, or maybe the reason for his insomnia was entirely different? It was hard to tell. Sometimes he would dream of moving out of here, somewhere calmer somewhere quiet, but then he would always remember he had this flat he had his bar and a lab and no matter how he would romanticize living in a cottage, he had to face it - he just wasn't the guy to harvest his crops.  


It was probably better like this. Besides, life here wasn't too bad, especially now when she was by his side.  


It kind of happened, one could say too fast, a bit overwhelming but damn, he wanted it all, he wanted her. He really didn't think of their relationship as a chance for something more, contrary, he thought they would have some fun and eventually drift away but at the same time he was the one who, to his own surprise, said one morning 'Move in'.  


His mother might have been the influence here, they somehow got along from the start, from the very first morning they met in his kitchen, Wraith still dishevelled after the night with a telling-a-story hickey at her neck. Even now, a year later this memory brought back a vivid feeling of being ashamed; to be honest, that morning he thought he would perish from sole embarrassment and his cheeks were burning up to his ears in a blush. On the contrary, neither of women looked as flustered, they were chattering like old friends. He called Wraith his girlfriend first time that day and she didn't mind.  


A year had passed and he was head over heels in love, surprised by how he got there. She was somehow all he needed but never dared to ask for. A calmness to balance out his extroverted nature, a company when he felt alone remembering the past, a voice of reason holding him back from crossing the borders that should be uncrossed, a comforting smile when he felt down, a listening ear when he was rambling about science, a respect nobody prior had ever really treated him with, to the point he had believed being a clown is a part of his nature, a warmth under covers, and, of course, an electric, passionate sex. She was everything and even more. And it could have continued like this, but the dream he lived in had to end one day, he just didn't expect...  


He shouldn't have tried to change anything, some things were better left untouched, some deals too fragile to fiddle with. He should have known better. He shouldn't have bought the ring.  


It had started shattering the day he did. He came back home but she wasn't there to greet him. He found her in a bathtub, she didn't wanna talk. And from then, day by day, for almost two weeks, they drifted apart slowly but inevitably, still sleeping in one bed, still living but not with, next to each other.  


She had to know, the voices must have told her, there was no other explanation. She had to know and she didn't want him like this, that's why she wanted to spare him hearing 'no'.  


Mirage didn't exactly know why. Maybe she just pitied him. What was he even thinking?  


He got up, careful not to wake her up, walked slowly to the window feeling the coldness of the concrete floor. He peeked through the curtains at the city painted with purple and blue, eerie flashes of traffic lights reflected in fresh puddles and tall glass buildings and for a moment he forgot about everything else but this cityscape below.  


Until Wraith moaned weakly into her pillow.  


She had stopped having nightmares a few months after moving in but last week had been tough and she kept throwing herself in bed almost every night. He sometimes wondered if all of that was his doing too and the mere thought made him feel sick and guilty.  


He closed the window and turned the AC on. When he crawled back under the sheets Wraith snuggled up to him through her sleep. Her skin was cold.  


***  


The flow of work, the loudness of the bar it all made him forget any troubles for a while at least. It was a mask he wore behind the counter, the one he learned to give control over his regular self because it attracted clients. He wore this role like a suit, charmed people with a smile, flirted with an endless line of pretty girls, tricked those who watched his hands with some of the cheapest holo illusion to the general applause.  


When closing hour approached the whole mood went away, just like someone unplugged him from a charger. The clients mostly left, the music became insignificant. He was mindlessly polishing tall drink glass when he heard a barstool being pulled.  


"Hola, compadre, what's with the long face?" The familiar voice exclaimed right behind him.  


Mirage turned around with a smile, put away the glass - huh, a miracle he hadn't worked a hole in it yet.  


"Octane. What a meeting, huh?" Elliott pulled two glasses from under the counter and poured a generous amount of gin in each. "On a house, pal. What's up, I thought you had a busy evening tonight?"  


Octavio stretched his arms up, then took a sip of alcohol. He shook his head, static and dryness of the air making his neon green hair live its own life.  


"I had a rehab consultation and then it sorta came out I have other things to consult too, like, up my tights, and it happened to be a very long consultation but she really is the most thorough doc I've ever had, like, specifically that area," he finger gunned at his crotch.  


Mirage groaned into his palms before the flow of words continued.  


"Curiosity killed the cat."  


"What?" Octavio sounded generously confused. "Yeah, about that. Someone died or what? I see you brooding over the empty glass."  


"Yeah well, bad day."  


It was a lie so obvious it even broke some notes in his tone. Elliott wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about life with Octane, he wasn't entirely sure if he could go on much longer bottling that mess up, though.  


"Hey, that's ok if you don't wanna talk," Octavio seemed to read his mind, "But dude, I can see something bugs you from a mile." He downed his drink and cocked his head. "So?"  


Mirage sighed. Maybe Oct wasn't the best relationship advisor but he needed a shoulder to cry on and if he was willing to offer one he was probably not in a place to refuse. With sort of numb fingers, he dug out a pack of cigarettes from under the pile of various bills and stuff hidden under the counter. The taste of smoke was somehow soothing, besides he wouldn't know what to do with his hands. With a pinch of irony he appreciated how patient Octane was, he could only see his knee jumping up and down in wait.  


"So," he finally started talking but took another haul of smoke. He decided showing would be better than talking. The ring in his jeans pocket seemed soo heavy. He took it out and placed on the counter in front of Octane.  


It was a really nice piece of jewellery. Silver, beautifully engraved in floral patterns, with one perfectly polished amethyst he had spent hours choosing so that the hue of purple would be on point.  


Octane whistled.  


"And they say I'm the fast one here." He grinned, visibly excited. "Stressed?" The grin widened.  


"It's not like that, it's been over a year," Mirage answered, not really convinced because maybe, just maybe, his friend was right here. Too fast. He turned to polish another glass, a cigarette in the corner of his mouth made the next words somehow easier to say, like mumbling them out on purpose made it less real. "Besides, she doesn't want." He shrugged.  


The smile on Octane's face immediately disappeared.  


"Fuck, man, I'm sorry," he leaned over the bar, looking worried. "That sucks, she said why?"  


Mirage put away the glass, dipped the cigarette in an ashtray, suddenly feeling disgusted by it and climbed on his own barstool. He waved the bottle in the air. "More gin?"  


"Never say no to alcohol, speed or a ready to go woman. Yeah."  


"No she didn't say anything yet, I haven't asked."  


One of Octavio's eyebrows jumped up.  


"So how do you--"  


"She acts weird since I brought it home, man, she's so fucking distant like she was waiting for me to break up,"  


He gestured angrily and produced a heavy sigh. "I guess the voices've told her and she just... I've made a fool of myself."  


Octane seemed to be thinking intensely, there was even a small wrinkle that appeared at his forehead. He absent-mindedly reached to his pocket and put a joint in his mouth. When he lit it up Mirage scowled at the scent.  


"Is that weed?"  


"Yeah, want some?"  


Elliott shrugged in half a nod of the head. Why not.  


"So I'm thinking," Octane started, producing another joint and handing it to him, "maybe you're just acting weird since you've bought it? And she somehow responds? Dunno, amigo, but sounds fucked up."  


"Yeap." The smoke was much more pleasant this time. "It really is. See, I don't understand, one day she's all like 'let's get a dog' and the other she pretends we don't know each other? It's just..." Elliott sighed again. "I just thought she was the one."  


Oh, how pathetic he sounded now, he scowled, that was definitely too much to admit.  


He didn't remember much of this evening. Only that he had spilled the beans even more and that they talked about life for hours before he - light-headed - decided to go home.  


***  


He stumbled on the doorstep and then again at the kitchen entrance, trying to make his way to the fridge without turning the light on. He was stoned. Or drunk. Or maybe both, and he didn't feel so good. When he cursed under his breath and felt the world spinning he leaned on the fridge door and huffed. Then he saw her.  


Wraith was standing in the hallway, eyes glowing slightly with reflexes of unnatural blue light.  


"Where were you?"  


Like she had a right to ask. Like he cared to answer. Mirage laughed soundlessly.  


"At work."  


He shrugged. His head felt really dizzy, he needed to find a nice flat surface and lay down. He could lay down on the floor, but now he didn't want to, not with her watching. He couldn't see her expression clearly when she crossed the space between them.  


"You smell like a whole field of pot," she wrinkled her nose, that he saw. "I was worried something happened."  


He snapped.  


"Cut it, we both know what you've been trying to achv- ash-," this was so annoying, he couldn't even word his thoughts, why was he like that, "you've been up to. I don't need your pity, okay? Never did."  


She took a step back.  


"I've never..."  


Elliott didn't let her finish.  


"You know, after what we've had it's a really nasty thing to do. You will feel better if I'm the one breaking up, huh? Well, not a chance, starling, not giving you this stat- sat- satisfaction..."  


What had he actually just said? Why would he say it, he didn't want to lose her, not like that, never. All that mess now...  


She took another step back. It was too dark, his vision was too blurry, what was there on her face, he couldn't see.  


"Wraith?"  


What should he say anyway, he was not the one to apologize here. And yet... 'I love you,' he thought but the words didn't come past his clenched throat.  


"Rest," she replied coldly, walking away.  


When he eventually made it to bed she was sleeping so far away, facing the wall, the mattress seemed vast like an ocean. He didn't remember the last time his bed felt so empty. He didn't want to remember.

  


He woke up to a hangover which made him self-loath even more. Wraith wasn't home and he didn't know where had she gone but felt relief, not having to look her in the eyes. The blurry memories of the night haunted him, the scenes replayed in his mind in the shower and over the coffee table. She didn’t come back, not before he had to leave to work again.  


Philippe, seeing his unshaved hangover face acted mercifully and told him to go home after two hours of him wailing over the headache.  


He made use of that chance. Took a long road home, walked under the cloudy sky until the gentle wind blown away every thought out of his head. When he reached the apartment the door was open.  


He walked into Wraith sitting in the rays of grey last light of the day. She didn't even look at him. There were two suitcases by the couch.  


Elliott felt his stomach dropped. A sudden taste of ash in his mouth. Every muscle on his face twitched and he pulled the best effort to keep his expression still. No need to make scenes.  


Wraith's voice was so soft he barely could hear the words.  


"I'm... leaving."  


Mirage nodded, staring at her, even though she was just eyeing the floor. She took a deep breath and rubbed her hands together.  


"I-- didn't want you to go through this, but I guess you deserve the truth. You were right, after all that," a bitter smile twisted her face, "it's all that I can give you."  


He stared desperately at two blue eyes that raised at him and saw blinks of tears in them.  


There was no point standing there in the hallway but moving seemed like a unearthly effort. Elliott entered the living room, sat stiffly on the edge of the couch. Fuck, he wanted to yell, he wanted to scream, he could feel his heart being ripped apart. But he didn't even make a sound.  


"I've got the last paper. The answer," Wraith said carefully. "I asked Blisk to fetch it for me, he had the connections I missed and he did, wow, he somehow managed to get past the classified tag and reached the last files I missed."  


She paused. Elliott felt weird, heart in his throat, he wouldn't dare to speak or ask questions, firstly to not interrupt and secondly because he wasn't sure he could keep his voice steady.  


Heartbeats had passed before she spoke again. He noticed a slight tremble of her hands and wanted to reach out and hold them but he knew he wouldn't be welcomed.  


"I do not... exist. As in, life pre-experiment. It's no wonder I couldn't remember anything, there was nothing to remember I--," her voice broke and listening to it felt like a punch in the guts, "I have no name, no family, I was bred like a chicken for the purpose of the experiment. I'm not even a real person, Elliott I'm sorry, I didn't know… you deserved better."  


He wasn't sure what he felt, but there were so many emotions flowing through him at that moment he was surprised he didn't start walking on walls. This crazy mixture of anger, relief, sympathy, he didn't know what to do with his hands.  


"Why didn't you tell me?" He rasped finally, he could barely sit in place. "When did you find out?" He had to stop asking questions, as he had so many he would never give her time to answer. He had to stop.  


"Like two weeks ago, I-- I thought about it a lot. Didn't want to hurt you."  


"What?!" A missing element of the jigsaw finally clicked in place, he embraced his head, held it low. He just couldn't believe it had to come to them sitting here on the verge of a breakup because they hadn't talked. "Listen to yourself, you thought ditching me wouldn't hurt me? Wraith what..."  


"It was for your good,” she barked. “Look at you. How do you feel about living with something like… this? I have to go.”  


"Go where?" He looked up at her, waved a hand.  


"Doesn't matter, you'll never hear of me again, I just wish... I wish it didn't happen."  


Elliott was dumbstruck. The absurdity of her doubts and fears impossible for him to comprehend.  


"What are you talking about, does that really change anything?"  


Wraith tapped her nails and didn't answer at first. He heard her sniffing.  


"For what I know I may as well be programmed, I was not even meant to be between people, you are real, I'm not..."  


"You are the most real thing that happened to me! Wraith! Fuck, you're my entire world, it doesn't fucking matter... what we had was real, nothing in your past can change that. Nobody programmed you, it’s just who you are, you deserve to have a normal life..." he tried to make the words follow the galopade of his thoughts but he lost it somewhere along the way, jumped at his feet, walked two steps back and forth. He spoke before he thought. "Marry me."  


The look she gave him must have been the most surprised he had ever seen of her, eyes wide open, two trails of tears on her cheeks, lips slightly trembling.  


"What?" She choked out.  


He wasn't getting a second chance, it was going for broke or letting go and he wasn't the type of guy to let go. He took the ring out of the pocket, kneeled somewhat frantically in front of her, reaching out. "Will you marry me?"  


Wraith outright spasmed and made a weird choking sound; before he knew it her expression shattered and she started sobbing. No matter what the answer was, no matter if it was the last time, he crawled back onto the couch and pulled her in, closing his arms around her. She was cold again, shivering like a leaf and swallowing tears, so Elliott hugged her tightly, dropping the ring somewhere along the way. It didn't matter anyway.  


It took her awhile to calm down and he waited, somewhat feverish at what would come next. But even when her breath evened out she remained curled into him, in a way he couldn't even see her face.  


"Why?" She inquired weakly.  


"What why?" Mirage felt his voice returning slowly to his usual self, tension slipping away with every breath they took together. "Cause I love you, silly."  


"You love a projection..."  


"Oh, shut up, I know who I love and it's without a doubt you, the way I met you, not any porj- proej- pro-goddamn-jection."  


He backed away a little, dipped his head down to kiss her. It was chaste and for the first time in a while it felt right.  


Wraith embraced his waist and stayed like this, clinging to him like a small koala. He smiled to that thought.  


"So. You know where that ring is?" There was a playfulness in her voice, behind the timid notes. She sniffed.  


He smiled almost predatory.  


"Is that a yes?"  


"I... maybe. Did you lose it?"  


"No, I don't think, I think you're sitting on it."  


She searched the cushions, found it indeed somewhere under her tight, examined it closely with a spark in her eye. And Elliott could watch her like that, in a deep state of awe, full lips softly smiled, till the end of the world. She turned her head to him, put the ring on her finger and smiled, still unsure.  


"Yes."  


He didn't even realize he was stressing about this until he heard the answer. With the last tension fleeing away he could finally feel joy and excitement. He jumped to Wraith, pushing her on the pillows, smiled when she embraced him back, cocked his head.  


"Do I get to kiss the bride now?"  


Wraith giggled at ease and her kiss was the answer.

**Author's Note:**

> So, um... hi? Nice to see you've reached that far, or maybe you haven't, maybe you've just skipped the text, I mean, either way, hello there. If someone told me my first work on ao3 would be a sappy engagement fic I would laugh them in the face but hey, look at me now. It was really hard to gain enough self confidence to post it, you know; I'm pretty sure I can write in my native language but in English... I bet you've found dozens of mistakes and awkward phrasing and all I can say is that I've read it 100 times and tried to fix them all but it's possible I missed many. I bet the commas have been an issue too cause in Polish we tend to place those in completely different parts of sentences? I have no beta either so it doubles the difficulties. Please don't be too harsh on me.  
> I'm blabbering because I'm stressed af and this note will soon be longer than the actual fic, I'm so sorry... I mean, that's probably why I relate to Elliott so much cause he also... blabbers when he's insecure. Hnh, you don't need to read that. I should shut up.  
> If you wanna... yell about this ship with me or say hi or whatever you can find me on [tumblr](https://keare-linnua.tumblr.com/), [twitter](https://twitter.com/Kojottek), or you can ask me for my discord or... you could just comment here, this would be also very nice and welcomed, I honestly cherish every single feedback to my creations.


End file.
